I talked about this on my About page, but I also wanted to delve into this in my first post on this site. If you’re visiting this blog and you know me, then you’ll also know I’ve had many, MANY blogs before it. Well, that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but I have tried maintaining a blog several times before this current one. I always fail, and I always end up going months and months between posts. Well, on this iteration of myself blogging, I’m considering that a-okay. I may upload multiple times a day or only a few times a year, and you know what? It doesn’t really matter to me.

I am no longer constraining myself to anything except what my brain wants to write about. Basically, I’m pretending no one else is reading this except for me (and, to be honest, that’s most likely the truth). The reason I say that is because I want this blog to be not a blog, but a journal. It’s going to be where I write down my creative thoughts, and where I just flesh out ideas I have. It’s going to be for me. If someone else happens to be reading it, then that’s fantastic, but it’s not meant for the reader. Basically, this is a private journal I’m letting everyone read. Not really private, but you know what I mean.

I came to this decision because I really like writing. I love critiquing things. I love expressing my thoughts. However, I’m always anxious about how people will receive my thoughts. I’m always anxious about whether anyone will like what I said or is seeing it at all. This is an attempt to not care about those worries, and I hope it’s successful on my part. Thinking about it, this is actually more me screaming into my own personal void. I’m screaming, so other people will maybe hear, but ultimately I’m just shouting at nothing for some sort of therapeutic effect. And I do find writing therapeutic. On a primal level, the clicky-clack of the keyboard keys satisfies me greatly. On a higher cognitive level (tho is it really??), it lets me “air out” my brain. If I’ve been holding on to something, I can release it on this website.

One of the big reasons why I wanted to do this is because I love performing content analyses, and I’ve been on a huge video essay kick recently (I <3 Sarah Z). The thought of creating and editing a video essay terrifies the fuck out of me, so I’m not going to do that. In addition, I’m not very good at presenting myself on video. Honestly, I think the written word is the best way to perceive me (and it’s still not that great lol). But to emphasize again, I’m not expecting anyone to perceive my via these posts. These posts are written for me. However, if you do perceive me via this blog, I hope you like the person you’re perceiving.

I do wonder why I want to write at all. Like, what about writing specifically scratches my brain? My primary hypothesis is that analyzing stuff is a hobby of mine. I like looking critically at pieces of media, and this place, as previously mentioned, will be a large repository for those critiques. I’m not kidding, but sometimes when I’m watching something I’ll just start analyzing it out loud by talking to myself. If you ever saw me do it you’d probably think I was crazy, but that’s kind of what I’m doing on this blog. I think analysis also helps me be aware of the media I’m consuming, i.e. I’m not just taking it in like junk food. By analyzing the media, I’m making my brain work, and I’m not letting it turn off. Sometimes turning off your brain IS important but not all the time. Certainly while I’m on summer break, I want to keep my brain turned on despite not being in class.

Another feature of this blog will be my unsolicited opinions. Though, are they really unsolicited if I’m just writing them down for me and not for someone else except those who voluntarily make the effort to read them? I don’t know, and I think that sort of question is useless. Anyway, these opinion posts will probably take the form of me “sounding out” my thinking. Like I examine media critically, I also want to examine my own thoughts critically. Not to sound like fucking Ben Shapiro, but I try to keep my brain rational, and with anxiety that proves especially difficult. By auditing my mind, I find I can help prevent irrational stuff from creeping in and manifesting.

Aside from those two main genres, there’s definitely going to be a ton of miscellaneous posts. I already have an idea for a post about why I’m a religious studies student, and I’d like to write about that stuff as well. I think it’s important to be honest with yourself about why you’re doing what you’re doing. In addition to that, other miscellaneous stuff could include commentary on the news, stuff that would go into an actual journal (day in the life, gossip, creative snippets), and maybe even some longer form creative works like poems and short stories. Like I’ve been reiterating, this blog is for me, so the content will also be for me.

Hopefully, I use this site for its intended purpose, and I really want to be constantly screaming into this void I’ve created. In fact, writing this post inspired me to choose the permanent brand for the website. Welcome to my void. These posts are my shoutings. Enjoy (or don’t, it’s not like I think you’re actually reading this).